For the past three years, I have been struggling to understand my place in the world, and to understand myself. I have not loved myself and have not been able to love another person because of that. I have never been in a loving relationship, and I long to know what one of those feels like. I have lived a careless lifestyle, and honestly cannot believe that nothing bad has happened until now. I let guys take advantage of me, I drank past my limits, I tried drugs, and I didn’t take care of my body. I spent many nights crying and depressed just wishing to be happy. I have been so desperate to feel loved, wanted, needed & important. I realize now how naïve I was and if I had just let someone help me, or had opened my eyes to my problematic lifestyle things would be different now. The mistakes I have made are ones I never wanted to accept as mistakes, but I see them very clearly now. I am embarrassed and ashamed to have lived the way I have for these past 3 years.
my kids today asked me if i get teased about anything. i said of course. they asked why. i said, well, in life, we find that we will get teased or picked on or hurt by others at least once, often several times. they asked me why again. i didn’t really know, but it happens to everyone, and it only matters that you know that whatever they say, it’s not true.