personal rambles. just didn’t want to post it anywhere else.
i have been having a tough couple days now. i don’t know what’s wrong with me, but i am upset all the time and can’t seem to find something that makes me really happy. i was at work today and things just got worse. i don’t even want to get into it, but i just got overwhelmed.
i hate when people tell me to calm down or ‘relax’ when i’m upset, because i am trying.
i can talk myself out of a lot, but not when people are talking at me.
i complained to one person about shit that’s happening, and he basically just went “yeah it’s all shit! they’re all trying to fuck you over!” and totally agreed, walking away. suprirsingly, not what i wanted.
then, the night shift guy came over. he saw i was upset and i started to tell him how exhausted i was. when i finished my shift, he asked again if i was okay. i said no, and started to tell him all these things that had happened and why i couldn’t deal. he said nothing to me. he just looked at me, with eyes that made me feel so heard. i am tearing up just thinking about the way he looked at me. he really wanted to hear me. he put his pen down, turned his body towards me, and i just felt like i could cry and be heard. he didn’t even say anything. i felt like what i had said made sense and my problems were answered somehow.
if half the people in the world listened like this guy would, we would be in a new place. a safe place. a very happy place.